Handling Crippling Criticism

In this Edition:

Quote
Update: Crippling Criticism.
Motivate: What gives you your self confidence?
Book talk: What I’m reading.
Healthier Lemon Blueberry Muffins (no refined sugar)
Final thoughts.

Update:

In February 2021, I gave a group of beta readers the second novel I’d ever written, Consumed, a psychological suspense/thriller. I sat in a zoom meeting, and the feedback came in waves.

Everyone had something to say:

“This was wrong.”

“That was wrong.”

“Couldn’t he just do this and solve the whole problem?”

“Your characters sound the same.”

“You start at an 11, and there’s nowhere to go.”

“It’s so dark and tortured. I want a lighter read in COVID times.”

“You used the wrong verb here.”

“Would the character really say that?”

“Couldn’t you just…”

I usually take criticism well, but at the end of that critique meeting, I felt like I’d written garbage. No one was on the same page. The feedback was all over the place. I felt overwhelmed, like my baby had been picked apart and the pieces were scattered.

I’d loved that novel. But after that meeting, it became the ugly step-child. A couple people emailed me or called, told me they thought it was great. They were alarmed that I was going to shelve it, but I kind of felt like they were telling me that to keep me from being discouraged. I wasn’t sure whether to believe it.

See, it had gone through a ton of edits, rewrites, revisions. And by the time I gave it to that group, it was READY. At least in my eyes. And then all these people had all these things to say, and I crumbled, lost my confidence in my ability to write a suspense.

So, I shelved it (along with the 1st novel I’d ever written)…for 2 years, and I started writing women’s fiction and romance, as you know.

I love writing romance and love stories, and writing the comedic aspect of it was fantastic. It was there that I found my voice.

But then…

I finished my NaNoWriMo rom-com and had so many choices on what to do next.

I decided to peek back at Consumed. I started with the feedback, and all those old feelings came back to me. My blood pressure started to rise, and I became overwhelmed...again But something was different this time…I saw that some people were actually complimentary. I hadn’t even registered the good things at the time. All I could see was the “wrong” stuff, the negative, the stuff to be fixed, which had seemed like too long of a list. But when I read the feedback, there was a lot of positive stuff there.

I was confused.

Then I pulled out the novel.

In a few days, I read the whole thing over again, and you know what…this is a damn fine novel.

Does it need some work? Yeah, it does. But I can now see clearly what feedback I’ll hang onto and what I’ll blow away.

The thing is, everyone’s got an opinion. But it’s just that, an opinion, not fact. No one was wrong in telling me their thoughts. I was wrong for how I’d taken them in. Not wrong. But distance gave me clarity.

I’m glad I put my novel out there because I got some gems out of that critique meeting that I know will make this novel better. Some awesome points were brought up that I was too overwhelmed to properly incorporate at the time.

Now, I think I can. And I’m excited about it.

In life, sometimes negativity outshines positivity. I know I need to personally make sure I’m not focusing on only the negative aspects of life.

Do you do this? Focus on the negative when there are plenty of good things to focus on too?

Motivate:

If your self-worth and confidence comes from what other people think of you, what job title or prestige you have, what riches you possess, who your friends are, if you’re liked…then you will always be fragile, one step away from utter worthlessness.

Solidness begins with humility. On the inside. And has nothing to do with your “status” in this life.

We are all the same, everyone just as valuable as everyone else.

Book Talk:

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.”
― C.S. Lewis

This week, I've been reading 3 books at once.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time by Gillian McAllistaer
It starts with a great first chapter, but I haven’t made it very far as it’s paperback! My eyeballs aren’t used to reading words in paperback! And for some reason, I’m struggling to be drawn into this story. I don’t have a drive to pick it up.
Something Wilder by Christina Lauren. It’s good. There are flaws. I’m 26% of the way in and will keep going…for now.
I finished beta-reading a contemporary young adult novel. Speaking of feedback, I gave this author a lot of thoughts. I didn’t hold back on the need for improvement. I hope I did it in a way that was tactful, that highlighted the promise and pointed out areas to strengthen so her novel has strong legs to stand out there in the harsh world. She’s a good writer. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens.

Gluten-free Lemon Blueberry Muffins

Vegan and Refined sugar free! (crazy, right?)

Not everyone is GF and dairy free, but if you are or people you love are, this recipe is so good. It’s a little healthier in that you’re using maple syrup instead of sugar and 1/2 the flour is almonds.

My whole family loves these, and since I made them last week, I had to share because they made me happy.

Ingredients:

▢ 60 g (¼ cup) coconut oil (melted)

▢ 200 ml (⅘ cup) unsweetened coconut milk (or any other plant-based milk)

▢ 2 tablespoons lemon juice (1 small lemon)

▢ Zest of 1 lemon

▢ 8 tablespoons maple syrup

▢ 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

▢ Pinch salt

▢ 150 g (1 ¼ cup) almond flour

▢ 150 g (1 ¼ cup) gluten-free flour blend (or sub plain flour if you’re not gluten-free)

▢ 2 heaped teaspoons baking powder

▢ ¼ teaspoon baking soda

▢ 100 g (1 cup) fresh blueberries (roughly 1 6 oz package)

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

2. Melt coconut oil

3. Once melted, add it to a large bowl with the milk (I heat mine slightly so it doesn’t solidify the coconut oil), lemon juice, lemon zest, maple syrup, vanilla, salt and almond flour.

4. Sift in the GF flour, baking powder and baking soda.

5. Mix well, (add a little more milk if it’s looking too dry.)

6. Add the fresh blueberries and fold in

7. Scoop out into an oiled cupcake pan or use cupcake liners. (I recommend using coconut oil on the bare pan. It comes out nicely. When I used wrappers, the muffins stuck to the paper.)

8. Bake for 20 minutes until risen and an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

9. Best day-of but keeps covered in the fridge for up to a few days.

(Recipe adapted from www.rhiansrecipes.com)

Final thoughts:

Your worth is defined by you, not anyone or anything outside of you. Mine too.

I hope your week is amazing!!

Until next week, much glitter,

Melissa

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